Love Reunites: How One Mother and Daughter Found Healing

The relationship between mother and daughter runs deep. It’s a complicated relationship full of heartache and happiness—full of wounding and healing. Genetics link mothers and daughters together, but the relationships go beyond genetics. Most mothers and daughters love one another more deeply—more fiercely—than any two people on earth. At Thistle Farms and Magdalene, we’ve learned that to heal the women, the familial bonds must be healed as well. As Mother’s Day approach we take the time to think about healing bonds between mothers and daughters.

Katrina and Ebony are mother and daughter working together at Thistle Farms, and they are best friends. With their desks arranged close to one another in the sales department, they exchange jokes, laughter, sarcastic remarks, and lots of joy throughout the workday. They could not be happier to be coworkers.

But Katrina and Ebony have not always been so close. When Ebony was a child, Katrina struggled with addiction, living on the streets, and leaving Ebony to be raised by Katrina’s mother. Katrina’s mother was a constant for Ebony, taking care of her when Katrina could not. As a little girl, Ebony would sometimes stand in the living room window of her grandmother’s house, waiting and watching for her mother to come home. “She waited for a long time,” Katrina says.

But Katrina did eventually find her way home. She found her way to Magdalene, where she was given the help and care she needed to get clean and the tools she needed to be reunited with her daughter. For Katrina getting clean met being around a nonjudgmental community. A community that loved her for who she was helped her heal.

Today, Katrina is the National Sales Director at Thistle Farms and her daughter Ebony works as the Whole Foods Accounts Manager. Mother and daughter working together, it is something they never expected to happen. Both women have found healing at Thistle Farms. “It reunited us,” says Ebony, “It gave me back a healthy mom, and that caused me to be a healthy child.”

The best part about working together as mother and daughter for Katrina is watching Ebony create her own story in a place that helped her get her story back. “She is my biggest inspiration,” Katrina says about her daughter. “She has graduated from high school and college, she’s traveled around the world, she is healthy and happy.” And that makes Katrina happy, knowing that her daughter is growing up in a community that is teaching her how to be a strong woman.

Ebony also finds joy in coming to work everyday and working along side her mother. They laugh together and they cry together on a daily basis. My mother created a world for herself, Ebony says, “and now I get to be part of that world. I get to see the lives she has impacted and the people who look up to her. I am proud to say 'that’s my mom.'”

Even though Ebony and Katrina couldn’t be happier with the way life has turned out, there is a tinge of sadness underneath of it all. Katrina’s mother passed away last year and talking about their journey without her around is painful for both. Katrina’s mother raised Ebony while Katrina was on the street. “She bridged the gap, so that Ebony always knew I loved her. Even when I wasn’t there.”

Katrina and Ebony’s story is only one of hundreds of mother and daughters (and sons) who have been reunited with help from Thistle Farms. Saving a mother so often means saving a family. So this Mother’s Day, we remember all of the mothers and daughters and sons who have struggled, endured and come out stronger for it.

For Mother’s Day, to support and help broken families reunite and heal, buy a handmade product from the women of Thistle Farms.

Story by Julia Nusbam
Thistle Farms Intern

Hope Rises with the Sun, Easter 2014

I starting walking before the sun rose on a smooth beach, where yesterday’s footprints were erased by an eternal tide that gracefully lives in the moment. In real time that rushes to grow children and deepen lines of worry, there was a pause. There was no question which direction to walk; its an instinct to turn towards the east where love is painted in lavender on a bluing canvas.

Sunrise starts before dawn. It was probably just a slight change in tone that called Mary Magdalene to head to the garden. The story of the Resurrection begins with the words, “while it was still dark." The light had not yet risen on Jerusalem on the Sabbath as Mary heads out with grief as her guide to carry her to the body. Light transformed from grey to pink like water to wine is enough for her to see the stone rolled away and to run to Peter and John. As they run back to the tomb, in a race with the murky light of dawn, they see enough to know Jesus is gone. Mary stands alone as the light breaks through and she sees angels and linen on the floor. Even though she cannot make out what she is seeing, she hears Jesus calling her. Then the light of hope fills her from within, and she reaches for Jesus.

It's hard to hope for resurrection, especially after crossing through wildernesses bruised by thorns that caught us on the way. The wake of death casts a huge pall over dawns, and on those mornings, sunrise is a surprise, no matter how long we have waited and hoped. I can imagine Mary’s surprise as the sunrise poured light into the tomb and hope caught her unexpectedly. We all carry grief to the tombs of those we love. After the unexpected deaths this year in the community of St. Augustine’s of Lisa Froeb and Bob Feldman, whom we buried a day apart, I found myself this lent sitting in the chapel before work with their ashes that rest in the altar. On those mornings, as the light seeps into the chapel in unadulterated beams of white, I have felt hope rise with the sun. Sunrise in the story of Easter is not just a time of day; it is a state of the heart. Sunrise is the space where nighttime fears move aside for hope, where we feel peace about our mortality in the scope of the universal truth that love abides and where we feel light crest the dark horizons of hearts we have kept walled.

There was an eight hundred year old marbled Cathedral with beans of light filtering through stained glass in the early morning that our group from St. Augustine’s visited in the mountains of Ecuador last month. At the altar dedicated to Magdalene, there were a group of indigenous women chanting prayers that carried this sunrise story of deep grief and unbounded hope with a melody through the rose-colored air. Several of us hovered near to catch a ray of that love story as we lit candles, wept for Lisa and Bob, and felt hope rising in the truth that for thousands of years grieving hearts can sing.

Last week as the sun was rising, I received an email from Rev. Canon Gideon in Uganda. He is the founder of an organization that works with children and families who are HIV positive and runs a school and wants to begin a social enterprise for women this summer. He wrote about speaking with donors from the World Bank asking them for continued financial support even after Uganda’s harsh legislation against gay and lesbians that threatens not just their safety, but of all the people who support and preach love without judgment. He is leading like a bright light with courage and a prophetic voice as a witness to justice and freedom for all people. The sun rises all over the world, all day long. And when we get a glimpse of its brightness, it is so beautiful it makes me weep.

When the orange globe peeks above the horizon in bursts of resurrection each morning, the moon takes a sweet bow. As we turn towards home under the rising yellow force, or leave a chapel holding friends we love, or walk away humming a love song we don’t even understand the words to, or feel the courage of fellow pilgrims preaching radical love, we follow a sixty-foot shadow with an aftertaste of joy that is gratitude.  We can walk like Mary Magdalene who left with the sunrise preaching, “Walk with hope in faith because love lives.”  Its not that we are more faithful than we are in the dark of night, its just that our pace is lighter.

When we follow in the footsteps of Magdalene, we can dance a jig that on this endless spinning earth, we have seen the light. The stone has rolled and all those we love who have died live on in love and the memory of God. All we grieve is rising, like the sun did on Easter and on the very first morning. That is the hope that shines in the darkness leads us home. Sunrise calls women with grieving heart to sing, it enables priests to dream of equality in desperate times, and paints each morning in colors so tender they turn stone hearts to flesh. Sunrise means that we can live in hope, dedicated to justice and truth, knowing the light will never leave us.  The light is ours for the beholding and allows us to make our song even at our own Easter morning, “Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.”

Peace and love,
Becca
@revbeccastevens

Photo by Becca, Coast of Florida, March 2014

Healing Oils Help Ease through Life's Difficult Transitions

This past winter was a busy, and at times difficult season, in our home. Aside from the usual comings and goings, celebrations and challenges, both my husband and our oldest son were presented with serious health issues.

Friends have asked how I managed my worry and stress through these difficult days. The answer to that question is Community.

I don’t have any immediate family here in the U.S so I have created a ‘family of choice’ over the 20+ years that I’ve lived here. Many of my new family members are the women of Magdalene/Thistle Farms.

When Deb brought me one of the first sets of oils, I knew I had received a special gift. But I was unaware just how important these oils would be in the following months.

I have a small area in my home where I sit, pray, cry, meditate, sometimes just to be alone. It’s a quiet spot that I return to again and again, where I make contact with the God of my understanding, and with the abundance of Love and undeserved Grace that surrounds me. In this precious space I practice a few simple rituals that connect me to home. Home to myself.

I light a candle, sometimes burn incense, and choose one of TF five healing oils. Depending on day, time, what I’m feeling, and what I need…. human kindness (Mitzvah) reflection (Contemplation) love (Ahimsa) new dreams (Inspiration) or mindfulness (Compassion)   

Rolling oil on both temples I ask for clear thoughts and ease of mind. And in that hollow place at the base of throat, I pray for loving and helpful words. Smoothing oil on both wrists, I ask for tenderness and strength for me, and my loved ones. At the breastbone, I ask for energy, and the steadfastness to go through another day of doctors and hospitals.

Soon, I am surrounded by the scent of compassion, understanding and peace. I then know, I remember, that family holds me - here, across the ocean, and in the Heavens.

I give thanks for the oil, for the women who prepare the oil, for those who bottle and label the oils, for my friend, Becca, and her mission that declares, Love Heals.

And I give thanks for this simple space and time where I come back to Home.      

Click here to buy a set of healing oils for yourself.

By Fiona Prine,

Thistle Farmer

Hey Mom, I Need Some Compassion!

I’m a believer in the power of positive thinking, so the idea of using healing oils for moving through life’s small difficulties is very appealing. We all experience times when the stress of a situation looms large or emotions run high and we need help hitting the reset button. A great way to work through these times is with a simple routine like sitting in a quiet space, stilling the thoughts and setting a positive intention. I’ve found Thistle Farms’ Healing Oils to be a great anchor for this type of ritual. Here’s a recent example from my own life that worked like a charm:

My son John was born sensitive. I knew it from the start when he waited ten long days past his due date to leave the cozy womb. At 13, he’s still a procrastinator! He comes by his sensitivity naturally inheriting his relatives’ penchant for anxiety. John's Grandpa Ed had OCD and couldn’t handle loud noises, so sometimes when we were little, we’d drop the dictionary on the floor just to see him jump.

As a younger child, John had a few more significant issues including a tree nut allergy as well as a debilitating fear of loud noises like fireworks just like Grandpa Ed. He refused soft textured food. He didn’t like new shoes or socks with seams (thank God for tube socks). Fortunately, he grew out of most of it. To most people, he seems like a typical teenager – boisterous and quirky, but I see the times of vulnerability.

Recently, John started a new school known for its academic rigor. He was gifted with a good brain and is an excellent student, but he is a worrier and gets overwhelmed by fear when too much work piles on. Exam week was tough. Having anticipated his anxiety, we had a full set of Thistle Farms healing oils on hand. The “Compassion” healing oil seemed especially suited for the task. Made with geranium, chamomile, lavender, and myrrh essential oils, these essences naturally promote relaxation and calm. I applied the oil to his temples and the back of his neck and had him set the intention to let go of his fear and be compassionate with himself. Thirteen is a funny age and I wasn’t sure if he really “bought in” to the idea, but he calmed down and went back to work. About two hours later, I heard a voice from the other room, “Hey Mom! I need some of that Compassion!”

Six months later, he’s gotten used to his new school and has grown in confidence. But just the other day, he poked his head in looking for more “Compassion.” It has become a simple ritual he can use to gather himself, set a positive intention, and move through his fear so he can get back to work.

There are many ways healing oils can be helpful in moving through life’s trials. Find a quiet place, still the mind, apply the healing oil and set the intention.  Take a few moments to reflect. Here are some ideas:

*To ease hurt feelings and diffuse anger after an argument:  AHIMSA: Sow seeds of universal love and non-violence with sweet orange, cinnamon, clove and cedarwood essential oils in olive oil.

*When feeling resentful, confused or disappointed e.g., hearing bad news, needing perspective on a situation, feeling out of control. CONTEMPLATION: Restore body and mind for reflection with jasmine, frankincense, myrrh and grapefruit essential oils in olive oil.

*Feeling bored, blocked or stuck. INSPIRATION: Uplift the spirit and invite new dreams. Bergamot, cardamom, sweet orange and lavender essential oils in coconut oil

*Having to perform a task you’d rather not do, seeking to forgive when treated unfairly, wanting to act out against someone.  MITZVAH: Encourage acts of human kindness. Mandarin orange, lavender, and ginger root essential oils in sweet almond oil.

*Being too hard on oneself, to free the mind from obsessive thinking, thinking negative or harmful thoughts. COMPASSION: Open the heart to prayer and mindfulness. Geranium, chamomile, lavender and myrrh essential oils in jojoba oil.

By Beth Preston, 

Thistle Farmer

To discover which healing oil is best for your life, go to our online store 

for more information and purchasing options. 

Becoming Stewards of Children

Every woman who comes through the doors at Magdalene has a story about how she got to the street. Listening to  hundreds of stories  has taught us that human sex trafficking and prostitution are rooted in childhood trauma. While each woman's story is unique, their collective journey begins in a childhood marked by sexual abuse and neglect at the hands of parents, family members or trusted caregivers. Current statistics indicate that 1 in 10 children in the US are sexually abused by the time they are 18.  Research suggests that 90% of these children don’t tell anyone about the abuse. Both the short and long term impact of sexual abuse makes it likely the most serious health problem children face. Children who have endured sexual abuse and neglect at the hands of family members are those most vulnerable to being trafficked.    

    

Credit: Andrew C.

At Magdalene and Thistle Farms we believe the best way to prevent human sex trafficking and prostitution is to prevent child sexual abuse. To that end, we’ve joined the Sexual Assault Center, Tennessee’s Child Advocacy Centers, Our Kids, Family and Children’s Services, Nashville Children’s Alliance and Prevent Child Abuse Tennessee to create the Nashville Child Protection Coalition. On April 15th, with support from  The HCA Foundation and The Children’s Hospital at TriStar Centennial,  the Child Protection Coalition is launching a regional initiative to provide adults across work, faith, school, recreational and neighborhood settings with education and practical tools to prevent, recognize and respond to child sexual abuse in our community.

Stewards of Children is an evidence informed, two hour training that empowers adults  to protect children from sexual abuse. The training can be facilitated anywhere there are adults who love a child or care about their welfare.  It specifically equips adults to create safer environments for children and to respond protectively should they suspect abuse or encounter a child who has or is being abused.  With initial support from HCA and TriStar, Nashville’s Child Protection Coalition aims to provide the training to 5% of the adult population in Middle Tennessee—considered a ‘tipping’ point in terms of creating new cultural norms and changing behavior across a community.

 

Like other successful campaigns that address public health issues across  ethnic and socio-economic boundaries—wearing a seatbelt, vaccinating against disease, eating a healthy diet to prevent heart disease-- the Stewards of Children curriculum is based on the idea that once adults can sit with their discomfort about the topic long enough to acquire new information, they are empowered to change their own behavior and in turn,  protect the children in their lives from harm. Lauren Looser at Tennessee’s Children’s Advocacy Centers will work with you to schedule a training for your co-workers, your faith community or your child’s school or sports league. I’m a trained Stewards of Children facilitator and will be delighted and  honored to  present  the curriculum in your community.  

Cary Rayson

Executive Director, Magdalene 

Find Out More:

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Watch a trailer on Stewards of Children 

Learn more about Darkness To Light's Stewards of Children training program