I was a lost and broken soul. From the earliest time I can remember I was not comfortable being in my own skin. I am going to tell you what happened, and what it is like now. It is going to be a challenge to put into words because it is indescribable.
When I was in jr high I started experimenting with drugs just to fit in. I just wanted people to like me, I wanted to belong somewhere and to be loved. My mother did not have much time for me as she was busy working full time and taking care of my grandmother who suffered with Alzheimer’s disease. The memories from that alone are horrifying. I remember hearing her scream all night. She no longer knew us and could not eat or go to the bathroom alone. As I began to drift away even further, the drugs and alcohol gave me a sense of peace and belonging that I was missing. I could describe all of the horror stories of my using days in great detail but I will be brief. Raped, Robbed, Beaten, Jailed, Hungry, Lonely, Angry, Tired, Sad, Lost and Spiritually Dead. That would sum it up. I do not regret the past because it has made me who I am today.
At the end of my using days I had no hope and wished for death. God was still there waiting for me. In September of 06, I was arrested for the last time. I say that with complete confidence because I believe I will never be on that side of the bars again. I have had the opportunity to go back into the jails and tell my story. Sharing my experience, strength and hope with those that are still in bondage continues to be one of the most spiritual experiences I could ever have. I can only keep what I have been so freely given by helping others and being of service wherever I can according to God’s will.
I could never have imagined the lost and lonely child the I used to be ever growing up and becoming the responsible spiritually connected woman I am today. God has done things within me I never thought possible. I have a sense of peace that surpasses any storm Life can bring my way today. That is what life is about to me today having that connection, getting out of myself enough to see that I am not the center of the universe I have a higher divine purpose for life today.